Clarifying Marriage Counseling
Marriage counseling grants an opportunity to gain clarifying perspective into your relationship. As with any relationship, the source of unhealthy behavior is unhealthy beliefs—believing something that is false. One of the goals of marriage counseling is to identify the false beliefs that lead to unhealthy feelings and behavior.
Marriage counseling affords men and women the opportunity to identify false beliefs that are fueling destructive behavior. Men tend to believe they can never again be happy if their wife leaves them, or if she is even unhappy with them, so they make whatever decision they believe will placate their wife immediately. Women tend to believe they can change their husband, and that it is indeed their duty to change them. So they nag and manipulate and emotionally twist arms to make it happen. Although these are only two of many beliefs we have about relationships, the truth is that both of these are outright lies.
Marriage counseling focuses on discovering truth. The truth regarding the lie men tend to believe is that just the opposite is true. Man finds true fulfillment when he acts on his strongest true convictions. A man with strong convictions based on self-study and truth seeking, is extremely attractive to a woman. Acting out of this kind of conviction creates a sense of purpose, brings focus to actions and provides a security in the relationship that could not otherwise exist. Finding the truth in love brings the fullest kind of life satisfaction a man can experience, and is the primary goal of marriage counseling.
The truth regarding the lie women tend to believe is that, again, the very opposite is true. A woman is most influential when she does not try to control a man, but shares her heart with him instead. A woman who is willing to express her needs by sharing her fears with her man is most attractive to a man, and very highly motivating. In fact, for a man, there is little else as powerfully motivating as knowing that his woman needs him, and needs things that only he can provide. If the need is realistic and reasonable, then share it with your husband by expressing your thoughts and fears instead of nagging him, and you will have him trying to lasso the moon for you! Believe in him and show him that you trust him to meet your needs and then watch him help you build your dreams brick by brick. It is the goal of marriage counseling to help men and women learn to communicate in this way—effectively.
Marriage counseling is a way to resolve whatever immediate roadblock is challenging your right to happiness in the marriage. Ultimately, marriage counseling will use the principles regarding relationship to address the core brokenness that is the source of the symptoms that come up in everyday living. Anger is not a problem it is a symptom. You must find the cause of the anger in order to stop the anger. Miscommunication is not a problem it is a symptom. You must find the source of the miscommunication in order to stop the miscommunication. Unhappiness in a relationship is not a problem but a symptom. Marriage counseling is a safe place to explore the symptoms and find their source, and ultimately replace the lies with powerful, motivating, healing truth.